{"id":1198,"date":"2015-06-17T12:01:14","date_gmt":"2015-06-17T11:01:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.payne.cz\/WP15\/?p=1198"},"modified":"2015-06-17T12:04:33","modified_gmt":"2015-06-17T11:04:33","slug":"obycejne-vtipy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.payne.cz\/WP15\/obycejne-vtipy\/","title":{"rendered":"Oby\u010dejn\u00e9 vtipy"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">Kolik poslanc\u016f je pot\u0159eba na v\u00fdm\u011bnu \u017e\u00e1rovky ve Sn\u011bmovn\u011b? \u2026.. Nadpolovi\u010dn\u00ed v\u011bt\u0161ina!<\/li>\n<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">V\u00edte, co se stane, kdy\u017e vybuchne jadern\u00e1 elektr\u00e1rna v Jaslovsk\u00fdch Bohunic\u00edch? \u010ce\u0161i a Slov\u00e1ci si vym\u011bn\u00ed hymnu, \u010ce\u0161i budou zp\u00edvat &#8222;Nad Tatrou sa bl\u00fdsk\u00e1&#8220; a Slov\u00e1ci &#8222;Kde domov m\u016fj&#8220;!<\/li>\n<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">Reklamn\u00ed slogan nejmenovan\u00e9 leteck\u00e9 spole\u010dnosti: S n\u00e1mi m\u016f\u017eete m\u00edt sn\u00eddani ve Var\u0161av\u011b, ob\u011bd v Pa\u0159\u00ed\u017ei &#8230;.. a kufr v New Yorku!<\/li>\n<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">Pro\u010d politikov\u00e9 pij\u00ed hlavn\u011b miner\u00e1lky? \u2026. Proto\u017ee ve v\u00edn\u011b je pravda!<\/li>\n<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">Televizn\u00ed redaktor se pt\u00e1 Rotschilda: &#8222;Pov\u011bzte na\u0161im div\u00e1k\u016fm, jak jste p\u0159i\u0161el k Va\u0161emu neuv\u011b\u0159iteln\u00e9mu bohatstv\u00ed?&#8220; On odpov\u00edd\u00e1: &#8222;To je dlouh\u00e1 historie. Kdy\u017e jsem byl mal\u00fd chlapec, \u0161el jsem po tr\u017ei\u0161ti a m\u011bl jsem v kapse p\u016fldolar. Prod\u00e1vali tam jablka po \u010dtvr\u0165\u00e1ku, tak jsem si dv\u011b koupil. Byla takov\u00e1 om\u0161el\u00e1, tak jsem je umyl a nale\u0161til. Kdy\u017e jsem se na n\u011b zad\u00edval, \u0159ekl jsem si, \u017ee sn\u00edm jen jedno jablko a druh\u00e9 \u017ee zkus\u00edm prodat. Opravdu se mi to povedlo, prodal jsem ho za chv\u00edli za jeden cel\u00fd dolar. A za\u010dal jsem p\u0159em\u00fd\u0161let, \u017ee bych mohl koupit dal\u0161\u00ed jablka.&#8220; Redaktor jej p\u0159eru\u0161uje: &#8222;To je \u00fa\u017easn\u00e9, tak takhle jste vyd\u011blal sv\u00e9 pen\u00edze?&#8220;\u00a0Rotschild odpov\u00edd\u00e1: &#8222;Ale ne, ty pen\u00edze jsem hned potom zd\u011bdil!&#8220;<\/li>\n<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">Velitel protiletadlov\u00e9 obrany nejmenovan\u00e9 zem\u011b p\u00ed\u0161e nejmenovan\u00e9mu rusk\u00e9mu zbrojn\u00edmu z\u00e1vodu: &#8222;S Va\u0161imi raketami zem\u011b-vzduch jsme docela spokojeni, l\u00edbily se n\u00e1m. Objedn\u00e1v\u00e1me u v\u00e1s nyn\u00ed rakety zem\u011b-letadlo. Gener\u00e1l Khaleh Mahmud&#8220;<\/li>\n<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">&#8222;Tak co, voli\u010di, jak se m\u00e1te?&#8220; \u017eertuje p\u0159edseda vl\u00e1dy nejmenovan\u00e9 zem\u011b v EU. &#8222;Dob\u0159e, dob\u0159e!&#8220; \u017eertuj\u00ed voli\u010di.<\/li>\n<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">Na sch\u016fzce president\u016f vypr\u00e1v\u00ed nejmenovan\u00fd americk\u00fd president: &#8222;M\u00e1m nyn\u00ed v\u00e1\u017en\u00e9 probl\u00e9my, tajn\u00e9 slu\u017eby mi sd\u011blily, \u017ee mezi dvaceti st\u00e1\u017eistkami v B\u00edl\u00e9m dom\u011b je jedna HIV positivn\u00ed a nev\u00edme, kter\u00e1 to je. Ch\u00e1pete, \u017ee to je dramatick\u00e1 situace.&#8220; Nejmenovan\u00fd rusk\u00fd president dod\u00e1v\u00e1: &#8222;To zn\u00e1m, mn\u011b zase tajn\u00e9 slu\u017eby zjistily, \u017ee v m\u00e9 ochrance je jeden \u010de\u010densk\u00fd terorista,\u00a0ale nev\u00edme, kter\u00fd to je. Dramatick\u00e1 situace.&#8220; Nejmenovan\u00fd st\u0159edoevropsk\u00fd president pokyvuje hlavou: &#8222;Jaksi, to je jako u n\u00e1s, \u017ee. Tajn\u00e9 slu\u017eby mi zjistily, \u017ee mezi m\u00fdmi poradci je jeden chytr\u00fd, a tak\u00e9 nev\u00edme, kter\u00fd to je.&#8220;<\/li>\n<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">Sejdou se matematik, sociolog\u00a0a ekonom u presidenta. Ten chce vybrat sv\u00e9ho poradce, tak jim d\u00e1 ot\u00e1zku: &#8222;Kolik je dva kr\u00e1t dva?&#8220; Matematik: &#8222;To je jasn\u00fd, to jsou 4!&#8220; Sociolog: &#8222;Podle posledn\u00edch pr\u016fzkum\u016f se to \u010d\u00edslo bude nejsp\u00ed\u0161e bl\u00ed\u017eit ke \u010dty\u0159em&#8230;&#8220; Ekonom (se nahne k presidentovi a ti\u0161e pronese): &#8222;Kolik byste si p\u0159\u00e1l, aby to bylo, pane presidente?&#8220;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Kolik poslanc\u016f je pot\u0159eba na v\u00fdm\u011bnu \u017e\u00e1rovky ve Sn\u011bmovn\u011b? \u2026.. Nadpolovi\u010dn\u00ed v\u011bt\u0161ina! V\u00edte, co se stane, kdy\u017e vybuchne jadern\u00e1 elektr\u00e1rna v Jaslovsk\u00fdch Bohunic\u00edch? \u010ce\u0161i a Slov\u00e1ci si vym\u011bn\u00ed hymnu, \u010ce\u0161i&#8230; <a class=\"read-more-button\" href=\"https:\/\/www.payne.cz\/WP15\/obycejne-vtipy\/\">\u010c\u00edst v\u00edce &gt;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1198","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-clanky"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.payne.cz\/WP15\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1198","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.payne.cz\/WP15\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.payne.cz\/WP15\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.payne.cz\/WP15\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.payne.cz\/WP15\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1198"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.payne.cz\/WP15\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1198\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1201,"href":"https:\/\/www.payne.cz\/WP15\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1198\/revisions\/1201"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.payne.cz\/WP15\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1198"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.payne.cz\/WP15\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1198"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.payne.cz\/WP15\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1198"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}